A day in my life went something like this:

I had my plan for the day. In my mind, I know how it needs to go. My objective was sim-ple: get it right. I was focused on 1. Getting things done 2. Getting them done the way they needed to go. I worked hard to attain excellence. If there was a hiccup I wasn’t just disappointed, It was a personal indictment against me. There was very room for mis-takes. When things didn’t do as planned, I would replay the situation in my head over and over. I’d mentally beat myself up. I wouldn’t tell anyone about it. Everything was internal for me. I would strive harder to make it happen.

In my relationships, I had high expectations of people. I thought people should adopt my standards. I was very critical and tough on people in my life. I was passive-aggressive and for me, I would “subtly” try to get people to see it my way and do what I did.

I was so confined. It felt like I was in a trap. It was all about getting to that standard. I was rarely satisfied. I rarely celebrated wins. I automatically looked at how it could have been done better. I prided myself on being so committed to excellence.

It all began to turn around 20 years ago. I took a personal development class and it helped me see how I was living my life in a way I had never experienced before. It was a revolutionary experience for me. One area I began to become aware of was my perfec-tionism. It was like I looked under the hood and started to see how limiting, unachievable and unfulfilling I was living my life.

I walked out of that class equipped with a set of tools that I started to use.

At first, the thought of giving up perfectionism felt foreign. It’s all I knew for 30 years of my life. I doubted if I could really do it. What kept me hopeful were the results I saw other people achieve in the class I took. I felt like if they could do it I could too. I literally trusted what other people had experienced.

I unlearned perfectionism. It was not an overnight event. It was a daily, moment-by-moment experience. Over time, I began to experience a freedom I never knew was pos-sible. I was able to allow things to go how they went. I gave up my standards. I began to create commitments and stayed true to those commitments but a commitment never equaled a perfect standard. It’s a place I stand and it empowers me. I am clear that I will never arrive. I shifted how I saw things. My context went from perfection to GROWTH. Life is not about arriving - it’s about GROWING. Growing into who I was designed to be. It is a beautiful journey that never ends.

Now, 20 years later, I do not identify as a perfectionist. It’s not who I am. I don’t identify with it at all. I am able to give myself and others grace for where they are at in their per-sonal growth journey.

Now, I teach other women how to unlearn perfectionism in their own life!